Duality
I chose a word like soak for my word of the year because I wanted to be fully immersed in life. I wanted to EXPERIENCE, to let moments in, to courageously feel it all with a presence that felt electric.
I'll be honest, when I picked this word I pictured vacations and long, vibrant dinners with family and friends. I pictured spontaneous weekend getaways with Mr. Glass Full and exploring pockets of our city. I pictured living life in ways only my dreams have allowed in the last two years.
I forgot that when you set out to feel things big, you're going to get a heavy dose of...everything. And that's how the past few months have felt. Heavy. And I know I'm certainly not alone in this.
My blissful soak felt a bit more like being on the wrong side of the sidewalk on a rainy day when a car drives through a big puddle. (This is both metaphorical and also something that happened to me the other day 🙃)
I've been reminding myself that I can't avoid all the puddles, and I'm not meant to. It's the hard, uncomfortable, and heavy that bring new appreciation for all the good that life offers.
I had such a poignant example of this last week. I had been sick for several days and just tested positive for the second time in 8 months. I was sitting on my couch feeling *a lot* when the sun poked out from behind a cloud and lit up my entire apartment. I stepped out onto the balcony and the birds were chirping and I thought, even in this shitty moment there is something good being offered.
I think more and more our world is requiring us to get comfortable with the coexistence and duality of joy and suffering. In some moments, it isn't possible to find the sun, but it helps me to know that it's always there.